People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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