can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize