currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize