That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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