no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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