FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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