Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
