try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
