We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
