i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
