farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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