I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
