dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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