so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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