Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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