my mouth tastes like poor choices
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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