I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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