So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have already put on my inside pants.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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