yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
