Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
