i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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