Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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