I wanna bring you to show and tell
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
