how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
