I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
