2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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