There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
