Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
