First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
