Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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