Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
