I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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