Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
