I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am midnight drunk by noon
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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