??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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