Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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