I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
