Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
nutella sex= disaster
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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