ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Alive.
So much puke
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Terrible idea I love it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
