my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need moral support for this bender
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
