Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
