We won't sleep together?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
