I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
