And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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