I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
