I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You smell like stripper and shame
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
