well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize