My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
