I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize