I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
