yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
