K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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