My liver just broke up with me...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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