can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
