did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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