Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
