we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Boobs speak an international language.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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