Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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