when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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