I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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