Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
