The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize