YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So much rum. So many feels.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
