You really coming over, don't trick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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