I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
