I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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