it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
