The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
