I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
