dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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